February 1
How BlackBerry Smartphones are like Toddlers

I’ve owned my toddler for a few years now (in fact, he’s really like a re-tread since I’ve been through a few of them), but my tiny little baby Seamus is only a month old. It’s been an interesting month—much like that adjustment to the first 4–6 weeks at home with a new baby, actually, only you’re getting sleep and your boobs don’t hurt. Or when that precious newborn infant transforms itself into a walking, talking, Tower of Toddler Terror. These life-changing events (childbirth, toddlerhood, and BB ownership) alter the way you view the world, and how you spend your time, and what’s really important. In fact, there are quite a few similarities between new BB ownership
and getting through life with a toddler.

1. Mothers have been known to joke about how the only time they get to themselves is in the bathroom. Other mothers (especially those who own BBs) know this is a complete lie. The peaceful, private utopia usually lasts for only about 3.7 seconds, since both the toddler and the BB inevitably choose the most inopportune moment to interrupt with a whine, yell, thump, or buzz. They have impeccable timing.
2. The childless and the BB-less are quite similar: Compared to their parenting and wired counterparts, they just don’t get it. They look with disdain at those who have given their lives over to these demanding creatures and, at the same time, explain their status via fear and/or self-deprecation. For example:
   
   “I’d be afraid to get one of those things. It would take up all of my time.”
   Or
   “I can barely take care of myself.”
3. You’ve answered all the questions, soothed all the fears, and have powered down everybody and everything for the night. Not. As soon as you slip into that blissful and necessary deep sleep, you will be awakened by the sound of whining. Clearly, you didn’t quite shut everything off. This happens most frequently on the night before a very early flight, the biggest presentation of your career, or your one shot on national television. (In this circumstance, at least, the electronic toddler has one clear advantage: there have been no reported cases of a BB oozing out any liquids that require immediate cleanup.)
4. If they’re quiet, you’re constantly checking them to make sure everything is okay. If they’re loud and interrupting, you just want them to shut up and go away. When they do, the cycle starts all over again.
5. You love them. You hate them. They drive you crazy when they’re “on” and look adorable when they’re sleeping. Nothing in your life is more frustrating or adorable. There’s no reasonable explanation.